🔗 Share this article

One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest helping her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope Beth to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the work we create together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to honor her friend's privacy.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. Even celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?